everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
