THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
