I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
