wrigley field is MILF paradise
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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