i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
well most of my day revolves around power hour
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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