i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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