I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
