I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
