member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
