I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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