You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
