just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
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