we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
