You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
