is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
that is very illegal...i love you.
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