I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
