Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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