brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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