you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
