I'll bet she douches with gravy.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
