I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
