So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I see more hoeing in ur future
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
