So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
