Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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