It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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