you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
