I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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