I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
