My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
