i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
