her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
