How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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