so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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