Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
