if you like me you must not know who I am
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
