Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
