Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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