I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
This baby is an asshole
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
