remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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