ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
