dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
