Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
