So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
We need to get me chipped asap
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
