Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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