I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
