your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
