Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
