I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
