So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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