I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
