You're so nebulous sometimes
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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