Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
